I came to the conclusion that one of the most subtle of deceits come in the form of wishing that you could live your life over again; imagining your life if you lived it differently – living it “perfectly” without making the stupid mistakes that we all make; thinking that your life is not how it should be because there are so many more glorious ways that it could have been. I call it a subtle deceit for three reasons: first, it assumes that even if you could live life over, that it would all work out in your favor again; second, it assumes that the life that you currently live is in shambles just because of a few wrong turns and a few unlucky rolls of the dice; third, the contemplation is based off of a view of life that desires for the world to all work in your favor. Let’s look at these ideas one by one.
After growing up with watching movies, TV series, and really surrounding yourself with fictional stories, one can’t help but feel that maybe, perhaps, it is conceivable that a universe could really all work towards the goals of one character. The perspective of storytelling with an omnipotent narrator describing how every interaction leads to the ultimate end of the main character catching the bad guy and living happily ever after is very far-fetched because that’s never how the world works. People live, die, and the world moves on – even the best of us. If you want to consider an ultimate narrative, that’s another topic for another time. But I digress.
What I was trying to get to was that even if we could live out whole lives over and intend to make all the right choices, the world was not created to work in our favor and it isn’t ultimately going to bring you the most fulfilled life.
Moving on, it is often believed that we are capable of living out our lives near perfectly if only we had foresight. “Hindsight is 20/20” is a total lie. We really are incapable of living our lives well. Sure, you may not get that speeding ticket or you may get into the right school or you may marry Mr/Mrs Right, but those choices pale in comparison to choosing to always love, always sacrifice, always be humble, etc. And unless your foresight also is dead set on living your life for the kingdom to come, you aren’t going to be able to make the right decision when it comes to those choices even if you tried. Why does this matter when you are a trillionaire, married to Mr/Mrs Right, and the envy of the world? Because your life here is but a blink of an eye compared to eternity and to enter eternity, you either have to be perfect or your debt is paid some other way. Again, another post, another time.
The last idea transitions well into my final point: a vision for life that all works towards the good of you is a foolish pursuit. In fact, it is more than foolish, it is disgusting. Admittedly, I often thought about how I would live my life over again. I used to and still think that the universe was made for my good. I am a very selfish individual. I could spin the contemplation of an alternate universe where I made all the right decisions as a thought experiment that encourages me to know what I should be working on in the present reality, but the underlying purpose of the contemplation will usually be because of selfish pity.
Hey, I think my writing and thinking has cleared up a little bit. Writing is definitely one of the best forms of mental exercise. You should blog too! Or maybe just leave a comment ^____^